I haven't laughed this hard in so long!
An entry on Craigslist.com made me laugh so hard, harder than I have ever laughed in a good while! Read this, and tell me if this tickles your funny. Warning, graphic prose! If you get offended by certain things, don't read this.
What's with the pussy licking?
I used to figure I like licking pussy about as much as anyone. But once again, Craigslist has expanded my self-knowledge. I see from reading the ads over the last few days that so many of my brothers here like it so much that I'd have to reclassify myself as having only a moderate pussy-licking appetite.
These guys will write an ad and it will sort of go like this: I like licking pussy. I like to lick pussy. Are you not getting your pussy licked, but would like to? I would like to lick your pussy. Those women without pussies, or who do not like them licked, need not respond. But if you like having your pussy licked as much as I like licking pussy (which would be nearly impossible, because I really like licking pussy) then I'm the guy for you. Cause I've licked a lot of pussies. I'm great at it. And I like it. Mmmmmmmm, pussy, pussy, pussy . . .
You've probably seen some of these ads yourself. Now don't get me wrong. A man should have hobbies he's passionate about. Take my father, for instance; he loved horseshoes. Any evening he got the chance, he'd slip out to the back yard to the horseshoe pit and for the next hour or so, or until it got dark, you'd hear the soft clinking sound of horseshoe hitting post. It got on my mother's nerves a little bit, especially when we had company. As soon as the guests were in the door, the first words out of my dad's mouth would be, 'Come on out back, let's pitch a few.' He'd sometimes say it even if it was raining out. My mother would tell him, 'John, not everyone likes horseshoes the way you do. And I don't want them to feel like they have to play.' But it never sunk in. Dad just couldn't believe that anybody wouldn't benefit from an hour or so of pitching shoes. And people who knew my dad came to love that quirky sort of passion he had for the horseshoes.
I expect it's the same for these pussy-licking guys. Company comes over and next thing you know, they're flapping their tongues and winking at the ladies and giving them the old, 'what do you say you let me lick that pussy' line. Their wives or girlfriends probably just shake their head and say, 'Oh, he's like that. You may as well let him lick it, because he won't shut up until you do.'
I'm not criticizing these guys. I admire the honest and straightforward way they write these ads. But I do wonder how the women view them. Now I'll say right up front, I don't have a pussy. If I did, I imagine I'd like getting it licked. I expect it's gratifying in more ways than one. It's probably quite physically pleasurable to have a guy expending a little energy on a pussy. And, it might help restore my faith that God knew what he was doing when he gave men tongues in the first place to see a guy using it for something other than complaining about my driving or scarfing down cheeseburgers.
But a couple of thoughts do come to mind. Perhaps most importantly, it strikes me that I might read one of these ads and say to myself, gee, that guy sounds like he's licked about every pussy between here and Lubbock. Do I feel comfortable having him lick mine next?
And the second thought that would come to mind is, am I worthy of this man's pussy-licking talents. I don't have some sort of "Super Pussy." Asking this pussy-licking machine of a man to lick my plain old pussy would be a flat out insult.
Like I say, I don't have a pussy so I can't really be sure of any of this. I'm really just drawing on my feminine side to try and stand in the shoes of a woman with an actual pussy. And, as anyone would tell you who's actually met me, there's not a lot of femininity in me so I'm kind of groping in the dark here - which is another activity I enjoy.
This also may be a generational thing. I'm a 40 year old married man whose looking for a discreet affair. Discretion is pretty big with my generation. We also tended to reign in a lot of our passions to avoid dying. So while I've had experiences with a few women, I can't really claim to be the top expert on something like pussy licking. When I'm with a woman, and I do something that she likes, I figure she probably knows I learned it from someone else, that I didn't just stumble on it myself. But I don't generally go telling her, 'that thing I just did that you seemed to enjoy, I've been perfecting that for years. Usually when I do it, I hear a little more moaning. But maybe you're just a little more reserved than most women." And by the same token, if she does something I like, I don't generally say, 'I'd like to shake the hand of the man who taught you that.' No, for me, a little mystery is a good thing.
What's with the pussy licking?
I used to figure I like licking pussy about as much as anyone. But once again, Craigslist has expanded my self-knowledge. I see from reading the ads over the last few days that so many of my brothers here like it so much that I'd have to reclassify myself as having only a moderate pussy-licking appetite.
These guys will write an ad and it will sort of go like this: I like licking pussy. I like to lick pussy. Are you not getting your pussy licked, but would like to? I would like to lick your pussy. Those women without pussies, or who do not like them licked, need not respond. But if you like having your pussy licked as much as I like licking pussy (which would be nearly impossible, because I really like licking pussy) then I'm the guy for you. Cause I've licked a lot of pussies. I'm great at it. And I like it. Mmmmmmmm, pussy, pussy, pussy . . .
You've probably seen some of these ads yourself. Now don't get me wrong. A man should have hobbies he's passionate about. Take my father, for instance; he loved horseshoes. Any evening he got the chance, he'd slip out to the back yard to the horseshoe pit and for the next hour or so, or until it got dark, you'd hear the soft clinking sound of horseshoe hitting post. It got on my mother's nerves a little bit, especially when we had company. As soon as the guests were in the door, the first words out of my dad's mouth would be, 'Come on out back, let's pitch a few.' He'd sometimes say it even if it was raining out. My mother would tell him, 'John, not everyone likes horseshoes the way you do. And I don't want them to feel like they have to play.' But it never sunk in. Dad just couldn't believe that anybody wouldn't benefit from an hour or so of pitching shoes. And people who knew my dad came to love that quirky sort of passion he had for the horseshoes.
I expect it's the same for these pussy-licking guys. Company comes over and next thing you know, they're flapping their tongues and winking at the ladies and giving them the old, 'what do you say you let me lick that pussy' line. Their wives or girlfriends probably just shake their head and say, 'Oh, he's like that. You may as well let him lick it, because he won't shut up until you do.'
I'm not criticizing these guys. I admire the honest and straightforward way they write these ads. But I do wonder how the women view them. Now I'll say right up front, I don't have a pussy. If I did, I imagine I'd like getting it licked. I expect it's gratifying in more ways than one. It's probably quite physically pleasurable to have a guy expending a little energy on a pussy. And, it might help restore my faith that God knew what he was doing when he gave men tongues in the first place to see a guy using it for something other than complaining about my driving or scarfing down cheeseburgers.
But a couple of thoughts do come to mind. Perhaps most importantly, it strikes me that I might read one of these ads and say to myself, gee, that guy sounds like he's licked about every pussy between here and Lubbock. Do I feel comfortable having him lick mine next?
And the second thought that would come to mind is, am I worthy of this man's pussy-licking talents. I don't have some sort of "Super Pussy." Asking this pussy-licking machine of a man to lick my plain old pussy would be a flat out insult.
Like I say, I don't have a pussy so I can't really be sure of any of this. I'm really just drawing on my feminine side to try and stand in the shoes of a woman with an actual pussy. And, as anyone would tell you who's actually met me, there's not a lot of femininity in me so I'm kind of groping in the dark here - which is another activity I enjoy.
This also may be a generational thing. I'm a 40 year old married man whose looking for a discreet affair. Discretion is pretty big with my generation. We also tended to reign in a lot of our passions to avoid dying. So while I've had experiences with a few women, I can't really claim to be the top expert on something like pussy licking. When I'm with a woman, and I do something that she likes, I figure she probably knows I learned it from someone else, that I didn't just stumble on it myself. But I don't generally go telling her, 'that thing I just did that you seemed to enjoy, I've been perfecting that for years. Usually when I do it, I hear a little more moaning. But maybe you're just a little more reserved than most women." And by the same token, if she does something I like, I don't generally say, 'I'd like to shake the hand of the man who taught you that.' No, for me, a little mystery is a good thing.
1 Comments:
That is the keyword -- look at this particular line.
I'm a 40 year old married man whose looking for a discreet affair.This just disputed GW Bush's argument that all marriages are "the sanctity of values". With Britney Spears doing the 48-hour marriage, Liz Taylor's 8 divorces -- one researcher pointed out that it was not "homosexuals" that engineered the fall of marriage -- it was heterosexuals themselves.
So will you campaign to give us our right to marry?
R-
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